Those of you that know me, know very well that I am an avid supporter of extended breastfeeding. Well, I had planned to nurse Corbin for as long as he wanted. But after two weeks of trying, crying, bleeding, crying, and did I mention, crying...I believe I have no choice but to admit defeat. I have always (and will always) have FLAT nipples. When I decided to pump instead to let them heal (because they have become disgusting open sores that look like they could possibly be infected), my body decided not to comply. I pumped for thirty minutes on the left side today and got less than half an ounce. I am going to see if I can find a properly fitted nipple shield today and maybe I can continue like that for as long as possible...but I've decided that if it doesn't work, I won't make myself feel like a bad mother for having to switch to formula. HA. As I type that, I start to cry. I feel like the most epic failure of a mother for not being able to nurse my own offspring. I have had the most unbelievable support in the last couple of weeks with everyone cheering me on...and I don't want to let anyone down...especially Corbin...and my incredible husband...and I don't want people thinking I didn't try hard enough...because i KNOW people get through this. I am going to try not to purposefully avoid being around people...but I have a feeling that this emotional devastation will send me right into hermit-hood. Maybe once I get over the sting of being a third time breast feeding failure, I'll start to come around again. PS: I love all of you...if I ignore your thoughtful texts, please don't take it personally...I just need to not discuss feeding my son with everyone all day for a while.
Yes, i'm aware that this is full of grammatical errors. I'm too tired to make it look all "bloggy" and accurate.
In other news...i'm down 31 lbs. yay
UPDATE: Corbin has been successfully breastfeeding for TWENTY ONE WEEKS!!! We supplement a couple bottles a day, but he nurses every two hours or more. I am SO glad I didn't give up!!!!
OH Nicole I totally know that "FORMULA" feeling. Even though you know it's ok for them it still feels like your giving them acid. Hate that feeling.
ReplyDeleteI'm guessing you've contacted a lactation consultant? It could be your latch. I blistered and cracked till I got the latch right. If it doesn't feel right take him off and try again.
XOXO Good luck!!
Britney Shrewsbury